Tuesday, January 8, 2008

The SL to RL Dilemma.

It's easy, in this game that is not really a game, to get caught up in the whirlwind of emotion that comes along with getting to know someone. SL allows us to reach out and touch people we would not have met before. Now your search for love can span the entire globe.

Practically every taboo fetish has a group you can join to find people of the same mindset. Your every desire can be sought out, ordered up like some dial-a-date personal mate builder. All you have to do is find the right place for what you're looking for and then sleep your way through the various and sundry applicants.

You may just find “The One.” People make up and break up by the thousands every day in SL and it's been said that a relationship's longevity in SL is at least half compared to a RL relationship. My SL husband and I have been together, technically, since October of 06. We did not marry in game till much later and had been seeing each other many months before the engagement.

We took our relationship as far RL as we could relatively quickly. We talked on the phone for days at a time, saw each other on web cam quite often... It all happened so fast that I don't even know how one thing led to another. I met him and suddenly we clicked and I knew this was going to be “it” for me.

We met for the first time in RL in 06, before we were married in SL. I was so nervous. I knew him, heart and soul, before we planned this but there is definitely a different dynamic face to face. I spotted him as I was coming down the stairs... It was like a scene from any sappy romance movie. I ran to him! As I threw my arms around him.. I tripped over my own feet. He caught me and I pressed my lips to his in our very first kiss.

To this day I am still falling for him.

I know, I know, this doesn't sound like a Mean Girl's article! I assure you that I have not been body-snatched by some sappy sloot. Relationships are a huge part of SL. Finding, keeping, leaving, hiding, day in and day out on a much grander scale than you could have in RL.

The Mean Girls strive to be honest about things in SL. If your ass is fat, we tell you. Your Bling too Blingin? Expect to be made fun of (It's for your own good!). I've been thinking about SL to RL relationships a great deal lately and I know some of you have been there, done that, and not had it go to well. Some have had the same experience that I did.

Share your stories, Readers! Spurned by an ex-lover? Call him out! Sleeping with a partnered man? Please, do tell. Met the man of your dreams in RL and been completely disappointed or completely head-over-heels? This MG wants to know what goes on behind your closed doors.


Mary Baphomet said...

I met Damon on sl around Nov. of '05. He had a girlfriend :P that soon ended. We dated on sl for maybe 6-7 months and married on sl. Then met in real life :D started dating in rl got all sappy long distance relationship because he lived in Texas an I lived in Georgia....sooooo got engaged I moved to Texas a year ago and we got married in sept. 07. So Second life made me lose one rl bf and gain a rl husband...I've got no complaints

Shenandoah Saintlouis said...

Hi, just did a story about SL-RL romance (today).
These romances make me feel happy to know not everyone is a liar or a phoney...:)

theshadow said...

I guess I'm odd in that I don't date in SL... I do meet people, have occasional slex, and make good friends... But that's as far as it goes... Call me odd I guess...

Laylah said...

Long distance relationships are really hard. Jon is in Tx (Hah, maybe we can go out together one night!) and I am in MN right now. We make it work though.

Shenandoah: Did you really? How funny is that!

Theshadow: Not dating from SL doesn't make you odd at all. A great deal of people feel the same way. <3

myg said...

I think SL takes the concept of online dating and blows it into the stratosphere. I love hearing these stories!

Ciera Bergman said...

In '05 when I started SL, my RL relationship (that was long distance with a six hour time difference), was on the rocks. I found myself coming to SL in order to fill what was missing in my RL at the time: lots of friendships, the body of a goddess, and men worshiping me. The first two were pretty easy but I found that the type of life that I lead, most guys weren't up for that ("that" being not flashing my breasts on cam and daily cyber).

Maybe 3 or 4 months after I started Second Life I fell for a long time friend. We hung out everyday in SL, we started talking on the phone, and although we both agreed in the beginning it was going to be an SL only thing, it quickly spiraled into something else. That wouldn't have been a problem if it wasn't for my RL guy (yeah).

RL guy knew about my Second Life guy, I didn't keep it a secret and he also knew that he could lose me. That shook him up but that also did something for me too. It made me realize that I wasn't working hard enough on my RL relationship. Running away wasn't going to fix things. If I had problems in the current RL relationship that I wasn't facing, what would make me think things would change if I turned my SL guy into my RL?

I finally realized the problem was me. My SL relationship with that guy was no more perfect than my RL one. I just hopped back and forth from whoever pissed me off that day to whoever would comfort me because of it. Relationships don't WORK without WORK. In the end I decided to work on the relationship with the guy who put up with my nonsense for several years and was obviously in love with me...it's the best decision I've ever made. We were married September '07 and I've never been so in love in my entire life. My best advice? ALWAYS use your heart...and your head. You'd be surprised on how often they line up if you're honest with yourself.

Laylah said...

Ciera: I admire you! The courage it takes to pause and look deep down and find the fault in yourself does not come easy... Actually, most people can't do it.

You could just as easily blamed the RL guy for your SL thing. "He doesn't treat me like this anymore, he doesn't look at me like that anymore."

Taking responsibility for your feelings/actions like that is, in my opinion, the highest form of integrity. I couldn't respect you more.

"Relationships don't WORK without WORK."
How true! *Anything* worth having is worth working for!

TeenaB said...

Met a man on SL... moved across the country to live with him.. turns out everything he said online was true.... and now almost 8 mo later still happy as a pig in poop!

April said...

Met HotSauce 2 years ago in Oct. when I first started playing, we were friends for a bit and I had been married for 13 years during the time I met him. Finally had a talk with hubby and realized that nothing was going to change for us, I was unhappy and he was unwilling to change, so we decided we were going to divorce.

Saucy and I married in game in Dec. 05, and tho we had a few problems during our relationship, I am alot happier now than I was in my marriage. Saucy and I met in Feb. 06 and I moved in with him at his home in Texas 4 days later. A year ago we moved back to MS with my family.

Even tho I love him lol and he loves me, I am not going to remarry for a VERY long time. I never want to feel stuck in a relationship ever again, and am going to use caution before saying those 2 words in the future :). *hugs errybodi*

RayneBow Lollipop

Alysha Rennahan said...

Laylah, thank you for the post. :o) Because it sounds a lot like my SL/RL right now. My guy and I met in SL and we clicked. No better way to explain. After a few weeks, he sent me his cell number "just in case". I think I had it in my hands maybe 2 hours before I texted him. After two months of being together in SL and really sappy RL phone calls, we met in RL. He came up to see me...on Christmas Eve. I was soo nervous. Apparantly so was he. He didn't even unpack his truck. He ran up the stairs to the door, knocked, I opened it, and we fell into each other's arms, hugging and kissing. He was a wonderful Christmas present...and still is. Now I'm just waiting for my trip to go see him. :o)

Jennifer said...

I met my fiance in SL in July 06. Did the long distance thing for 10 months while I finished University and saved up some money. I moved from California to NEW ZEALAND in May 07 and been here ever since. I never imagined living in another country and certainly never thought I'd do it for a guy but I guess I just took a leap of faith and I'm happy with the most kind-hearted and genuine man I have ever met. There have definitely been bumps. It's difficult trying to settle in a new country with different words and ways of doing things and sometimes I just want to go "home" but life here isn't too bad and I am very fortunate to have found a person who "gets" me, who complements every aspect of me, someone I can stand to spend time with for hours and days and weeks and months. I wont get too sappy here, I hope, just wanted to put in my experience, SL romance does work in RL sometimes...and the guy you run into in the club on naked night who is dancing on a pole without his penis attached (because the server was forked) may end up being your soulmate. You just have to tease him mercilessly first.

Miss R. H. said...

I'm so glad people are talking about the SL/RL experience here. Of course I have stories to share!

I was divorced in RL and about a month later came to SL to see what it was like.

I have had a nice time with just meeting a SL man in RL who was casual in SL. No romance.

I met a partnered SL man whose SL "wife" divorced him upon hearing he was going to have coffee with me in RL. It WAS just coffee and pleasant. No big swooping romance even. We still write e-mail sometimes but he's no longer in SL.