Wednesday, April 23, 2008


As you may or may not know, today is St. George's Day, St George being dragon slaying, holy helping, all round good egg. He is the patron saint of pretty much everywhere you care to go and is loved by all. He was also incredibly clever to not only create a clever red on white cross for the english to use as a flag, but also to die on our national day! Nice one Georgeh!

Unlike the green madness of a month ago, when every other post on the fashion feed contained something green, leprechauny or guiness. St Georges day is quietly ignored, briefly nodded at before everyone goes back to their daily business. It wasn't always like this though.

Back in the good old 15th century, St. George's day was the best excuse to have a piss up since Free Whore day, but these days celebrating the old lizard killer is a VERY BAD THING! Apparently times have changed. Back in the day when the smartly dressed troops marched along under the flag wearing their very nicest sunday armour, quaffing tea and trying not to get scone crumbs in their chainmail. But in these stereotypical times you're likely to find it painted on the face of the angry man rearranging your facial features with a cricket bat. And that's the problem.

English pride is now english desperation, a country that not only lost its empire but has had most of its achievements undermined by other bigger countries who steal its lunch money and call it names. I'm english, I'm quite cheerful about the fact but I can't help feeling I belong to a race that was once the favourite grandparent, handing out worthers and making wooden boats (although apparently some people think we were complete bastards), but now old, senile, incontinent and a huge embarrassment to all around. It often feels we're indulged for our royal family, excitable heritage and ability to produce decent music.

At the end of the day I say fuck it, I like england, I like the fact that my accent elevates me to Liz Hurley sexy on voice, I like that we have insane roundabouts, stupid customs, evil dentists, a class system, fucked up usage of imperial and metric measurements, football rugby cricket and a complete inability to win anything, strange and slightly barbaric foods and the NHS.
I love it all.

So happy St Georges day everyone!

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Quiz time (again...)

It's amazing how these things get started. Actually no, it's a MIRACLE how these things get started but nevermind. This post however has a tale behind it. The rather wonderful (if slightly evil with long held grudges about cats and stuff) Willow Caldera asked me this on twitter today "Should I go for vixen diva or trailer trash ho? Which is more fitting?" and so in my time honoured tradition of taking the piss out of those I love and making them hate me its....

Are you foxier than a bagful of vixens or skankier than a used condom floating in a public urinal?
Are you a tantalising temptress or just turning tricks?

Or perhaps you're just boring? Who knows? Take this quizzy quiz (fiendishly designed by Tie) and find out.

You're all out of snacks again and need to run to the shops, do you...
a) Get driven by Benson the chauffeur
b) Walk, it's healthy
c) Wait for the number 29 bus with the winos

When you come home from a hard day at work do you...
a) Sling off your shoes and sink into your luxurious white leather sofa
b) Tidy your house
c) Go hunting varmints with Bobby Joe

At school were you...
a) Interested in art
b) More inclined towards maths and languages
c) Likely to be found on your knees in the boys toilet

Do you prefer...
a) Persian cats, they're so soft and fluffy
b) Fish, they have so much personality
c) Armadillos, they'm good eatin'

At a bar with your friends, you purchase...
a) A vodka martini with a small dish of pickled quail's eggs
b) Half a pint of shandy with ice and lemon
c) Nothing, your drinks are free as you're sleeping with the barman

Taking a well earned break, your dream holiday destination is...
a) San Tropez, all your friends are there for the season
b) In the Cotswolds with your grandparents
c) Disneyland

A visit to the dentists is necessary, you get...
a) Teeth straightening AND whitening, for that hollywood smile
b) A filling
c) Your toothpick back

While bored at work you mostly use the net to browse...
a) The Vogue website
b) The British Parliament website
c) Myspace

It's your uncle Berty's birthday, do you give him...
a) A case of Cristal and a diamond studded poodle
b) A card and some nose hair clippers
c) Your knickers and a discount coupon for an evening of your time


Mostly a's

I'd just like to take a moment to thank you on behalf of the Mean Girls for bestowing your radiant presence on our blog. It is, indeed, an honour Your Majesty.

Mostly b's

You really enjoyed this quiz didn't you? The naughty little words gave you a small thrill in your normally boring and unimaginative life. Pfft.

Mostly c's

Welcome to our world, you are the trashiest of all the ho's on the park. You know it's a good day when you wake up with a condom on your face cos at least you remembered to use one. So pull up a pile of bricks and sup your moonshine, you're one of us.

Kitty 'Ten dollar ho with a two dollar haircut' Lalonde
Tiernan 'Gee mister, my daddy's is bigger'n that' Serpentine

Monday, April 14, 2008

Club Etiquette: The Host

Many of you saw before where I posted a general summary of the various jobs many SL® clubs use in order to offer you the most enjoyable experience possible. After reading the responses to that post, I felt it was also appropriate to offer further education for each position separately so that both club employees and patrons understand all the more what goes into them.

The first position we shall discuss is often an overlooked one... that of the Host or Hostess. As I am a novice on the subject, I asked Sanctuary Rock's Host Manager, m0xi Caldwell to offer her own insight as well.

The most noticeable duty that a Host performs is to greet patrons who first step into the club. This first greeting of "Hello ! Welcome to !" helps to ease the nerves of n00bs and seasoned patrons alike. If you don't feel comfortable there then you won't want to spend time there, right? Its just a nice touch that people appreciate. Its nice to know that people notice you and make you feel much more welcome. This can be difficult (especially at busier SL® clubs) to meet and greet -everyone- who walks in. Sometimes using a MystiTool or Radar will help. Having dancers working on your shift with you often helps as well in case you do get bombarded.

Another often overlooked aspect of the Host is to be the "mother hen" as the go-between for the working staff and patrons.

To accomplish this, Hosts often...

1) Send out Group Notices/IMs about events & reminds patrons what the event theme is during the event.
2) Remind patrons who the DJ and Dancers are during the event.
3) Point out other aspects of the club (Sploder, Mall, Tip Jars, Donation Boxes, etc)
4) Control the Voting Boards and/or take Votes in IM for contests.
5) Announce and hand out prizes to the winners of the contest.
6) Remind patrons what the next event (if any) will be along with the next DJ & Host.
7) Keep track of any possible 'problem patrons' whom may be at the club.

A hefty load of responsibilities, no? m0xi even mentioned, "I have trained a lot of people to become hosts and most of them say to me at one point during the training that they had no idea how much was really involved..." It's definitely not something you can pick up overnight. It takes a great deal of training (and patience), just like with any RL job. The trick is to do everything so effortlessly that patrons and most other staff have no idea what is going on behind the scenes.

If there's one thing that I find absolutely ridiculous, it's staff who personally ask for tips. DJ's are more likely to do it than Hosts, but I've seen a few Hosts who've slipped a little 'Hey, slide some Lindens® in my tip jar too!' into their mantra. m0xi offers this suggestion: "Being obnoxious or seeming desperate about it is NOT attractive. People really do appreciate being able to go to a club and having fun here in SL®. Sometimes they don't know how to tip, its amazing how many people ask that. "How do I tip staff?" Once they know, a few reminders here and there to show appreciation to the staff is all thats really needed. You are going to have great days, good days, and maybe some horrible days. It happens to everyone, and you just have to realize that its not all about you and to not take it personally."

Also there will be times when all the staff on your shift will not cooperate. It's bound to happen since not everyone is going to like everyone else. As the previously mentioned "mother hen" of the shift, it becomes the Host's responsibility to make sure that this drama is not noticed by patrons. Staff are there to enjoy themselves as much as everyone else, so you sometimes will need to step in and remind them that acting like a whiny bitch throwing a tantrum is not only childish, but also ruins everyone else's fun.

Last, but certainly not least, being a Host should be FUN. Fun is what keeps people coming back time and time again, and thats what we all want... for people to enjoy themselves enough so that they come back, invite friends to come and join them.

So are we all on the same page on what an SL® club Host does? A big cuddly thanks to m0xi for giving her input and an even bigger thanks to all Hosts whom do this incredibly under appreciated job!

Next Club Etiquette.... Dancers

Sunday, April 13, 2008

How Does Your Friend's List Rate?

Just like the real world, status symbols are popular in Second Life, but in the virtual world they are so much more attainable. Any three week old muppet can shed the bling and scamper about the grid with a stack of Lindens and purchase their way into being a desirable object. The real indicator of SL status however is one that only you can see, I'm talking about the friends list. Tucked away in the button carrying the innocuous name of Communicate is your rung on the ladder. As they say, it's not who you are, but who you know. Whether you got that SLebrity clothing designer through manipulation, persuasion or by actually being the sparkly shining light of their lives doesn't matter. What does matter is they are on the list.

Try to look at it like pokemon (I find many things look better if you look at them in this way but that's beside the point) or any other addiction starting trading card game. It's not what it looks like but what it does. Mew looked like a melted jellybaby but still opened up a whole chapter on pwnage when.. But I digress.

My point is that often in the Calling Card Trading Game™ you'll find that it's QUALITY, not quantity. You may have 324 names on your list but if Bertie McGertison has only one friend going by the name of Starley Thereian, then it's game over love. But please don't pass over the little people. You'll be pleasantly surprised if Mikey69 Cumalot who you met in the free sex s.. Maitreya, turns out to be the hottest cock merchant since Stroker himself.

So how does your list measure up? Well rather that write up the 'Who's Who?' of Second Life, Rosie went with the easy option and created this feindish little quiz for y'all to enjoy/hate/bicker over.

Just what kind of friend are you? Are people beating down doors to get you on their list? Just how far does your scope spread across the grid? Do you have the friend's list to die for?
Take our short quiz and find out!
  1. You know what they say... it's not what you know, it's WHO you know. And more importantly, how many of the who's you know. Give yourself 1 point for each "friend" on your friend's list. Do not include people you consider contacts only. Give yourself 1 extra point if you appear in their profile picks. When *who* you know has more personalities than a soap opera diva, this can detract from the brilliance of your list. Take 1 point away for every alt on your list. (any names other than the main account for this person).
  2. There are a few ungettable-gets you won't find on most lists. We aren't certain of all the reasons why someone might not commit to the trading of friendship markers. Elusive? Shy? Eccentric?Give yourself 10 points each if you have either of the following people on your list:
    Anshe Chung
    Philip Linden
  3. There are alot of reasons why people become friends. Some people you've known forever... back when they loitered in sand boxes, wore default hair, or twirled their non-flexi titty tassels while grinding on a pre-SineWave dance pole in some strip joint just to earn enough to pay for their next Xcite! update . And who would know that they would become the sought after, SLebrity they are today? Give yourself 5 points for each person on your list who's lived the rags to riches slife. *note: you must still talk to them occasionally beyond you stalking them to qualify for these points. Though it is honorable that these people mean alot to you, you might not be the best judge of their SLebrity status. Subtract 3 points if you have to explain who they are when you're busy name-dropping.
  4. One of the most important credos of friendship is special privileges. Sure you may have a whole lotta names of productive, successful content creators on your list, but if they aren't kicking down the new releases to you before the general public, well you might not mean squat to them. Give yourself 3 points for each friend on your list who gives you stuff before they release it in their store. Quality does count, however, so just go on and subtract the 3 points if what you've been given is crap (no pun intended). But! Add 7 points if they've named any of their creations after you.
  5. Bloggers are the scribes of our today and tomorrow. In order to secure your rightful place in society on the grid, it's important that your name is a household commodity to these ehistorians. Give yourself 3 points for each ~consistent~ blogger on your list. Give yourself a bonus of 4 points for each one that's blogged you.
  6. Give yourself 1 point for everyone on your list that you've cybered. Subtract 4 if any of them turned out to be the opposite gender of what they claimed. Add 9 points if you've done two of them at the exact same time. Subtract the 1 point for each one that disappeared off the face of the grid after their encounter with you.

-9 - 100 pts:
You are new to secondlife and/or you are realizing that it's not your cup of tea. You are a selective friend who cherishes the few close friends you have.
You're a shut-in who makes people feel awkward enough to accept your offer of friendship initially only to cut the card later when you're not online.
101- 200 pts:
You're a social butterfly who knows the meaning of what it is to be a friend. You value friendship above status quo and you look to find the wonderful things about the people you keep close.
You've been around too long to have this few points. Your grid-etiquette may be in serious need of a makeover or else it's time to slack at work and spend more time in sl cultivating beneficial relationships.
200- 400 pts:
You are well-respected and widely recognized as the best friend anyone could ever have. You have a happy, likable disposition and generally make those around you feel they are important and special in your presence.
You are a relentless card-dropping whore who manipulates the staying power of those on your list by a timely IM to say "hi" or other superficial gestures intended to make the other person rethink obliterating you the next time they consider doing some spring cleaning on their list.
401+ points:
Congratulations! You are untouchable and have mastered the Calling Card Trading Game™. Your list and the names on it are the most valuable of your sl assets and your name is one sought after by many others with lists to build.