ZOMGWTFBBQLOL

Rosie says-
We are by no means bringing up a new subject. Just review the fashion feed, if you don’t know what I mean. Phoenix has offered her two cents, and many other people (Tenshi, Melanie Kidd, Jhuzen Ketsugo) also weighed in.

Although I feel the plight of the devastated fashionista who is now facing the virtual black list for showing off items that may allegedly be stolen, I have to ask, what’s with the self-importance? Although I don’t have any factual statistics, I would suspect that a very small percentage of the actual sl users follow the fashion feed. Most of those users, are bloggers. Maybe this is why so many are worried about their values being questioned as a result of reviewing what turns out later to be stolen content. Let’s face it, we all blog in a forum of our peers.

Kitty says-
"Second Life fashion bloggers are valued and sought after" umm nope, sorry. Second Life fashion bloggers are only valued by their peers and sought after by those hyping their own celebrity. Maybe once upon a time, fashion bloggers were, indeed, the dogs testes. Now however they're a pox on the internet, clammering and bitching to be heard above the vast sea of bitching clammerers. Imagine, if you will, a herd of wildebeasts (or gnu's if you prefer) crossing the treacherous river. Now imagine the designers as crocodiles. They'll pick a few tasty morsels to lavish their attention on, whilst leaving the rest to carry on with their beligerent faces well and truly slapped. Fact is, there are too many bloggers out there for anyone to be keeping count and lumping them all together and describing them as 'valued' and 'sought after' is like desperately needing every single blade of grass in your garden.

Rosie says-
I find that suggesting that designers look out for you presumptuous as well as slightly hypocritical. Look at how people are all looking out for certain designers right now. Notice how everyone is quick to jump on the bandwagon when the accusations start flying. How’s that for supporting someone? Why not let people figure stuff out first?

Fashion bloggers definitely have their place in the economy of SL, for sure! I, for one, shop almost entirely from the feed.

Kitty says-
At the end of the day you are not providing a service.., binmen, the police and the guy who cleans the shit out of the bottom of the coffee vending machine are providing a service, you are doing something for yourself. For whatever reason that may be, the fame, the freebies, the sick to deathness of people walking around looking like twats.. Whatever! At best it's a hobby, at worst an obsession. You could pack up and run and be forgotten in a week. You're not vital so get over it and carry on doing what you do.

Rosie says-
Why would a designer make a blanket announcement to over 60+ individual fashion bloggers about a private DMCA matter? Ask the people who are most active in working to protect intellectual copyrights, and they will tell you that the best way to handle a DMCA, or cases like these is privately. But instead, this letter suggests that the “victim” inform the entire fashion community, basically. Because, in essence, that is exactly what you suggest when you say privately let bloggers know. Which bloggers? Is there a hierarchy? Do some deserve to know more than others?

And we all know that fashion bloggers are tooootally discreet, totally tight-lipped. Some said as much in comments on all these blogs.

Kitty says-
How is being told of a DMCA filing going to help anyone, I'm going to DMCA Rosie cos she totally copied my arse, she may not have 'copied' it, but it looks like my arse, it has two cheeks and is deliciously pert and lovely. So I'll file my DMCA and tell ALLLLLL the bloggers to NOT post pictures of, or even look at Rosies arse, cos she "totalleh copied meh".... Right.. Okay then..

The point is your going to be changing your opinion every five seconds because someone has beef with someone else, leaving the poor lil blogger looking more fickle than ever.

Rosie says-
I don’t blog fashion much, but recently I was faced with a situation where I questioned the originality of a new release that I’d been given. All I could do was evaluate what I had and what I know. Some of us have longer experience in seeing what’s offered and what’s out there and some are newer and will have a harder time finding what’s real. But in the end, I believe that most people wake up and think: I’m gonna do my best today.

That some can be interpreted as ‘not caring’ whether they are blogging stolen content or not could be just a matter of not having all the facts, yet, or just not siding with the witch hunt side. What a perfect opportunity to hurt your competition… quietly IM the well-known fashion bloggers and let them know that so and so is selling stolen content.

I totally echo the sentiment that no one will fault you for unknowingly reviewing stolen content… it’s because the DMCA issues are so private that you prolly wouldn’t even know. And because I believe that no one can be everywhere all of the time, I would think that if a newer blogger does indeed blog stolen content, then it’s the responsibility of anyone who can, to let the person know what has transpired… Let me clarify that: let them know when there are actual facts to base if off of. He Said, She Said, isn’t helping matters.

GEORGEH!!!!

As you may or may not know, today is St. George's Day, St George being dragon slaying, holy helping, all round good egg. He is the patron saint of pretty much everywhere you care to go and is loved by all. He was also incredibly clever to not only create a clever red on white cross for the english to use as a flag, but also to die on our national day! Nice one Georgeh!

Unlike the green madness of a month ago, when every other post on the fashion feed contained something green, leprechauny or guiness. St Georges day is quietly ignored, briefly nodded at before everyone goes back to their daily business. It wasn't always like this though.

Back in the good old 15th century, St. George's day was the best excuse to have a piss up since Free Whore day, but these days celebrating the old lizard killer is a VERY BAD THING! Apparently times have changed. Back in the day when the smartly dressed troops marched along under the flag wearing their very nicest sunday armour, quaffing tea and trying not to get scone crumbs in their chainmail. But in these stereotypical times you're likely to find it painted on the face of the angry man rearranging your facial features with a cricket bat. And that's the problem.

English pride is now english desperation, a country that not only lost its empire but has had most of its achievements undermined by other bigger countries who steal its lunch money and call it names. I'm english, I'm quite cheerful about the fact but I can't help feeling I belong to a race that was once the favourite grandparent, handing out worthers and making wooden boats (although apparently some people think we were complete bastards), but now old, senile, incontinent and a huge embarrassment to all around. It often feels we're indulged for our royal family, excitable heritage and ability to produce decent music.

At the end of the day I say fuck it, I like england, I like the fact that my accent elevates me to Liz Hurley sexy on voice, I like that we have insane roundabouts, stupid customs, evil dentists, a class system, fucked up usage of imperial and metric measurements, football rugby cricket and a complete inability to win anything, strange and slightly barbaric foods and the NHS.
I love it all.

So happy St Georges day everyone!

How Does Your Friend's List Rate?

Just like the real world, status symbols are popular in Second Life, but in the virtual world they are so much more attainable. Any three week old muppet can shed the bling and scamper about the grid with a stack of Lindens and purchase their way into being a desirable object. The real indicator of SL status however is one that only you can see, I'm talking about the friends list. Tucked away in the button carrying the innocuous name of Communicate is your rung on the ladder. As they say, it's not who you are, but who you know. Whether you got that SLebrity clothing designer through manipulation, persuasion or by actually being the sparkly shining light of their lives doesn't matter. What does matter is they are on the list.

Try to look at it like pokemon (I find many things look better if you look at them in this way but that's beside the point) or any other addiction starting trading card game. It's not what it looks like but what it does. Mew looked like a melted jellybaby but still opened up a whole chapter on pwnage when.. But I digress.

My point is that often in the Calling Card Trading Game™ you'll find that it's QUALITY, not quantity. You may have 324 names on your list but if Bertie McGertison has only one friend going by the name of Starley Thereian, then it's game over love. But please don't pass over the little people. You'll be pleasantly surprised if Mikey69 Cumalot who you met in the free sex s.. Maitreya, turns out to be the hottest cock merchant since Stroker himself.

So how does your list measure up? Well rather that write up the 'Who's Who?' of Second Life, Rosie went with the easy option and created this feindish little quiz for y'all to enjoy/hate/bicker over.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just what kind of friend are you? Are people beating down doors to get you on their list? Just how far does your scope spread across the grid? Do you have the friend's list to die for?
Take our short quiz and find out!

1. You know what they say... it's not what you know, it's WHO you know. And more importantly, how many of the who's you know. Give yourself 1 point for each "friend" on your friend's list. Do not include people you consider contacts only. Give yourself 1 extra point if you appear in their profile picks. When *who* you know has more personalities than a soap opera diva, this can detract from the brilliance of your list. Take 1 point away for every alt on your list. (any names other than the main account for this person).
2. There are a few ungettable-gets you won't find on most lists. We aren't certain of all the reasons why someone might not commit to the trading of friendship markers. Elusive? Shy? Eccentric?Give yourself 10 points each if you have either of the following people on your list:
   Anshe Chung
   Philip Linden
3. There are alot of reasons why people become friends. Some people you've known forever... back when they loitered in sand boxes, wore default hair, or twirled their non-flexi titty tassels while grinding on a pre-SineWave dance pole in some strip joint just to earn enough to pay for their next Xcite! update . And who would know that they would become the sought after, SLebrity they are today? Give yourself 5 points for each person on your list who's lived the rags to riches slife. *note: you must still talk to them occasionally beyond you stalking them to qualify for these points. Though it is honorable that these people mean alot to you, you might not be the best judge of their SLebrity status. Subtract 3 points if you have to explain who they are when you're busy name-dropping.
   
4. One of the most important credos of friendship is special privileges. Sure you may have a whole lotta names of productive, successful content creators on your list, but if they aren't kicking down the new releases to you before the general public, well you might not mean squat to them. Give yourself 3 points for each friend on your list who gives you stuff before they release it in their store. Quality does count, however, so just go on and subtract the 3 points if what you've been given is crap (no pun intended). But! Add 7 points if they've named any of their creations after you.
5. Bloggers are the scribes of our today and tomorrow. In order to secure your rightful place in society on the grid, it's important that your name is a household commodity to these ehistorians. Give yourself 3 points for each ~consistent~ blogger on your list. Give yourself a bonus of 4 points for each one that's blogged you.
6. Give yourself 1 point for everyone on your list that you've cybered. Subtract 4 if any of them turned out to be the opposite gender of what they claimed. Add 9 points if you've done two of them at the exact same time. Subtract the 1 point for each one that disappeared off the face of the grid after their encounter with you.

-9 - 100 pts:
You are new to secondlife and/or you are realizing that it's not your cup of tea. You are a selective friend who cherishes the few close friends you have.
OR
You're a shut-in who makes people feel awkward enough to accept your offer of friendship initially only to cut the card later when you're not online.
101- 200 pts:
You're a social butterfly who knows the meaning of what it is to be a friend. You value friendship above status quo and you look to find the wonderful things about the people you keep close.
OR
You've been around too long to have this few points. Your grid-etiquette may be in serious need of a makeover or else it's time to slack at work and spend more time in sl cultivating beneficial relationships.
200- 400 pts:
You are well-respected and widely recognized as the best friend anyone could ever have. You have a happy, likable disposition and generally make those around you feel they are important and special in your presence.
OR
You are a relentless card-dropping whore who manipulates the staying power of those on your list by a timely IM to say "hi" or other superficial gestures intended to make the other person rethink obliterating you the next time they consider doing some spring cleaning on their list.
401+ points:
Congratulations! You are untouchable and have mastered the Calling Card Trading Game™. Your list and the names on it are the most valuable of your sl assets and your name is one sought after by many others with lists to build.

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!

Run for teh hills! Stock pile your prims! Hoard all your cash under your mattress and sit tight, holding your cager and wait for apocalypse because THE END IS NIGH!

What the fuck am I talking about? Well DUH! It's the all consuming end of the world that is the Linden labs™®©♥♣◙∟ putting a many little squiggles™®©♥♣◙∟ after their name! Oh NOES! As you can well imagine the residents of Second Life™®©♥♣◙∟ are terrified beyond all belief, bloggers shall be prosecuted and sent to the furthest reaches of hell to serve out their 100 year sentences picking the boils of the bottoms of wildebeasts. Flickr™®©♥♣◙∟ arty types are stuffing their pictures into suitcases and heading for the border.

This huge crushing blow adds to the already traumatised public, their belief in the Lindens™®©♥♣◙∟ shaken beyond all shakability. Few can forget the Broadly Offensive ruling not so long ago when EVERY SINGLE GOREAN™®©♥♣◙∟ WAS BANISHED TO A BIG PIT OF SNAKES, prior to that even was the dreadful monetary crash where thousands were left desolate, forced to sell themselves on the mean streets of cities. You'll all remember the concerts put on by Bob Geldof and his team of gerbils™®©♥♣◙∟ for SLaid™®©♥♣◙∟.

Will we ever survive this apocalypse? Well this Mean Girl™®©♥♣◙∟ doesn't know. But if you want me, I'll be in my bunker.

So yeah, it's another guide

Hopefully now having followed my guide to fame, you shall find yourself at the very epicentre of everyone else's tiny world. However, maintaining your state as most beloved person ever isn't all that easy is it? If only there was some way to get all your adoring fans flocking to your IM box with messages of love and support. Well lucky for you there is, and so without further ado I present Kitty's guide to making an exit.

Preparation

Now you can't just up sticks and leave, cos that's all a bit crap. For one, no one will IM you with "Oh noes please stay" if they didn't know you were leaving. So first off you need to let everyone know of your impending desertion. However, you must be aware that some people won't just 'understand' your reasons for leaving without some sort of explaination. Reasons for leaving vary wildly. Stupid reasons to cite would be boredom, frustration with glitches or a messy inventory. Better reasons are stalkers, the unhappy end to a love affair or someone being mean to you. Now you have your sob story set up it's time to get the story out. IMing your friends list is all well and good, but we need the world to know about it. It's a good idea to display some of your utter dispair with whatever has gone on with you before hand, through emo blog posts. However try to keep this to a minimum, people don't like whingers and at the crucial time to jump you may find people are more happy to push you. Once the general impression of fragility has been made it's time to make your move.

The Good Bye

It's generally a safe bet to make the announcement on your own blog, although it will be only your fans and friends who will read it. A better idea is to go on someone elses blog, and leave an inflamatory comment. Then when someone responds with unkind words you can pounce. Your final comment must be eloquent, well thought out and moving. Simply putting "You're all cunts... BYE!" will be most likely read as humourous. However swearing is something to consider, as foul language is well known to portray strong emotion when used sparingly.

DO NOT use quotes, song lyrics or poetry. You're leaving Second Life, not committing suicide.


Now is the time to put on your air of dignity. DO NOT RESPOND TO ANY COMMENTS AFTER YOU HAVE SIGNIFIED YOU'RE LEAVING. Head to your own blog and create a long, heart felt post citing all your reasons and saying good bye to those you cherish. Perhaps invite those close to you (publically on the blog, your fans will want to catch one last glimpse of you after all) to a small gathering where you can say goodbye properly. Perhaps earmark a few of your less favoured transferable items of inventory to pass on to friends so 'they have something to remember you buy'. Be certain to send all offline IMs to your email and hide your online status from everyone (also don't forget to leave all of your groups and check the box that hides online status in search) and then.. Log off.

The After Life

Now you have left it's time to sit back and bask in the glow of all your desolated fans. If you have to return in your week long 'away' time, make sure to open a new account or use an old unknown alt. Although you will be able to log on with your main account it's best to keep these to a minimum and DO NOT accept any items, it's a sure fire giveaway you still exist.

Once your week is over you may return stating you missed everyone so much and people will be so happy to see your return that they will be completely unaware of your subterfuge.

Congratulations, your mission has been a success.

The Price of Pride?

One of the greatest pleasures I get from SL is spending obscene amounts of lindens on complete and total crap. It's true! I don't earn any money in SL, but the way I see it is that my £20 goes a lot further in here, than it does out there *shudders*. However one thing I've always found interesting is the vast difference in the value people place on the items they've lovingly created to sell. Prices vary hugely, where you're roughly paying Leezu Baxter a grand for an outfit. All very nice and wonderful but consider Bare Rose. High quality, enough options to cloth a small army and with some pretty innovative shit going down. All for around 140L$.

It's the same with skins, when the skin thief picketing kicked off I duly trotted along to have a look (I'm a nosy bitch). The thing that struck me was that the majority of the stolen skins on sale at most of these places were RaC. Now before y'all start thinking this is me slagging off RaC for being ridiculously overpriced, it's not. I've forked out me 4k to own some of Mallory's skins and the ones that I like are gorgeous. But I can't help feeling that paying that much money for six different lipsticks is a bit, well, crap. It's no surprise that people aim for her skins to rip over other skins, they don't see a difference in quality or popularity like most of the fashion community. What they see is cash, and 4k a skin set is a pretty sum of money. It's also no surprise that people buy these 'ripped' skins if they feel they're being unfairly charged for the real thing. Even with all the theft that abounds it doesn't seem to effect the creators. You only need to take a peek at the prices paid for the classifieds. If Mallory Cowen gave me the money she pays for her weekly classified for one week, it'd pay for my sim for three months. Minnu is the same, up until recently she was paying much the same for her ads. Now however the only classified you'll find for her store is for 50L$ and belongs to Aradia Dielli.

It really makes you wonder why these prices are so high? I mean people must be paying them but why? You're not necessarily paying for quality, and taste is a personal thing. Is it that we're buying into the hype? Is there some personal kudos to be had in swanning around in an outfit that cost much much more than other peoples? Who decides that the skin from Minnu is better than the one from Celestial Studios and why are you paying 200L$ more for only one skin from the former? Who says that the 500L$ jeans from Redgrave are more deserving of you money than the 145L$ ones from Armidi? Oh, and what the fuck is the point of these classifieds anyway?

I'm not expecting to change anything with this post, shit it'd be nice if people dropped some of their prices of course, but it's very unlikely to happen. Which is a shame really. If RaC skins were available in single skin packs for 1000L$ I'd probably have spent a lot more than 4k there. If Leezu Baxter dropped one of the numbers in her four digit sets I would have actually bought something from her store.

But my linden contribution is a small drop in the ocean, but I'm pretty certain I'm not the only one who feels this way. Who knows, maybe there's a small fortune these high end creators are missing out because they are alienating people with their prices and maybe one day they might just realise this.

Quick and dirty

On the eve of rumpy pumpy day, I made a lil video for y'all showing the dangers of bad pose balls


How to ruin valentines day in Second Life from Kitty Lalonde on Vimeo.

We have teh pr0n (Or Kitty's utter shame)

**DISCLAIMER**
The following post has been rated 'NC17' and is totally NSFW or any situation where people may see you and think you "Look like a saddo" Danke

Those evil miscreants at Are We Not Men? have been up to their nasty little games again. Upon hearing that a Mean Girl had starred in a porn film they've been working their naughty little arses off trying to uncover it. Well sorry boys, you have been scooped.

Rather than sit back and let you bray yourselves silly at your own cleverness I've decided to out myself and post the video here.

Ironic it may seem after my previous post (indeed the line "Old porn film surfaced on some bitching blog, laugh it off" seems to be almost Nostradamus like in it's predictive nature) but it's all so sadly true.

I'll trot out all the excuses of being young and reckless, but fuck it, 500L$ was a lot of money and I may be deep, but I'm materialistic.

So without further ado, I present my moment of shame.

Fashionista Test

The term fashionista gets bandied around a lot. Apparently even I am meant to be one. But what does it mean? Well... Don't ask me, I haven't got a bloody clue. My guess would be they are people that transcend from the mere excitable shopper, to be omniscient beings, knowledgeable in all that is fashion, light shining from their elegantly clad bottoms.

I don't believe them though. I reckon that most of the 'fashionistas' couldn't tell their arse from Armidi. Oh and now I'm going to try and prove it!

It's a simple little quiz, tiz all. Look at all the purty pictures and answer the questions. Easy huh?
Well sort of, I'd like to point out that aside from (more) fame and glory there is no prize. Although I should mention we're the second most read blog after the Linden one (which has less nudity so why read it?). There will be a lovely leaderboard posting after the closing date. It would be oh so tragic to not have your name on it, no? Unless it's at the bottom *snickers*



In the above photo, from left to right obviously, tell me what shop they came from

The two black dresses, the green dress (don't worry about the tights or boots) and the two outfits made up from two separate items from two separate shops (Am I making this difficult?)



Simple one, name the boots from left to right.

Skins next, there are FAR too many on the grid here is a umm selection. Simply jot down the shop again BUT.. Extra clever person bonus points if you name the exact name and shade (Ooooo)

Hair now, we only want the shop here.

And you're done. Those are all the important questions out the way. Too easy? Don't worry, cos we dreamed up a couple of bonus rounds for you. These are a bonus part of the quiz, you don't have to answer them. But muchos kudos to those that do.

In the first picture we have clothing from yesteryear. These are items from the very mists of time. From the time when people would scream and cry and berate you for wearing prim hair (which on the whole looked shit) and bling was actually quite exciting and sexy. Quick note you only need to name the boots in the right hand picture.

And finally we have the 'we know you're all sluts with kajira alts who crawl around on the floor licking boot heels' section. BDSM and slutting done in style. But can you name them?
You have one week from this post (Friday 25th for those too lazy to count) to get your answers in, send them in a notecard named with your name to Kitty Lalonde c/o The Freak Factory, Essex.

G'luck y'all!

Kitty's Fate in Your Hands

*Updated*


Well it seems I may have overreacted and said a hasty goodbye to Miss Kitty Lalonde. I have read her apology and honestly, she had me at "teh lolcat..." ::tear:: But, to ensure I make the right decision, I've decided to ask you, the loyal reader, if Kitty should indeed be welcomed back into the MG fold. Is her apology enough? Will she really live up to her promises to be less... evil?

Poll will only be up for one day. Please vote wisely. The future of the sl blogosphere depends on it.

*Edit* Your wish is our command.

Click to Enlarge

Rip Off Fraud Exposed! as... as a Bigger Rip Off!

It's with a heavy heart that I make this post. Something has happened that has forced me to leave my seclusion and deal with the goings on of the new additions to the Mean Girls bloggers. Each one of us at Meangirls has always done our own thing, with no censure or judgement. The trust and camaraderie among us has allowed us to create a blog that is as individual as it's contributors. It's a sad day when I have to put an end to all that.

It's clear to me now that Jelly and I made a mistake when we invited Kitty Lalonde to join us at the Mean Girls. Her recent allegations of wrong-doing by resident Zennor Cornwall caught my eye and piqued my interest. What was even more interesting was the discovery that this was much more of a mess than it first seemed to be.

Upon my visit to this so-called store, I found some very unsettling facts. For starters, Zennor is a member of Tiny Empires. What could this mean?! But that was only the beginning! I hate to admit that I spent my 200L to buy said prim (I chose a cube), but I had to in order to get to the bottom of this! It seems not only that this business was created in SL to defraud the new, and otherwise inexperienced players, but it was not created by some noob who maybe could have been explained as not knowing any better. To my horror, Zennor Cornwall's prims were made by none other than Kitty Lalonde herself! (proof provided)




Not only has Kitty created an alt to do her dastardly deeds, but she's also used this blog to promote her nefarious ways and turn a quick linden. And I cannot let that go unnoticed or unpunished.

Normally, I would not openly promote drama on this blog, but I feel I have no choice but to cut all of Kitty's ties with the blog and out her for the underhanded shyster that she is. On the flip side, GO ME... I so scooped this story!

Rip offs..

I'm writing today, not in my usual middle of the road stance, but in utter disgust at the unscrupulous nature of some residents in SL. They are here to rip other residents off, pure and simple.

The store itself is called Primacy, owned by one Zennor Cornwall. I leave the SLurl here so you can all go and voice your complaints directly to the vile perpetrator.

In the store which claims to be "Haute Couture Prim Design for discerning admirers of art and culture" he only sells four things. A cube, a pyramid, a sphere and a cylinder. So what's the problem you ask? Well these are the basic SL prims, that anyone can rez for free, and this diabolical creature is selling them for 200L$ EACH! Not only that but he has the gall to put permissions on his wares of copy/mod/no trans. The shop is situated on a Linden road a mere stones throw from an infohub. So that Zennor may prey upon hapless newbies, who have no idea about SL.

Hiding behind a businesslike nature and, admittedly, beautifully designed store. Lurks an evil monster who needs to be stopped, and hopefully. Getting this message out will help.

A question of priorities

Yesterday I spied on the forums an outfit called Jihad Joe. Made by Fedor Mcnally, and advertised as

"So Gi-Joe has been getting too comfortable with Barbie and has no competition, so He has began to pimp Barbie out. Gi-Joe's technology and weapons is too great for ken, because Ken is a hippy and vegan.

BUT NOW OUT IS JIHAD-JOE. Jihad-Joe comes with a shemagh (head rag), in 2 colors, but is modifiable if you wish to customize your shemagh. it also comes with a pipe bomb vest that explodes via a grille igniter that is located on the HUD, the explosion both pushes, and kills.

4 gestures are included to shout at gi-joe to encourage him to repent and take into consideration what he is doing to Barbie is WRONG.

But don't worry, this isn't only for men, there is also a jihad-jane for Barbies who wish to convert and rebel against their rulers."



Obviously I decided that would be a riot and scampered off to purchase it. The problem comes when I have a few friends who have decided that 'jihad joe' is wrong. They didn't necessarily say it was sick and wrong. But wrong nevertheless. This got me thinking.

Yes. It's symbolic of murder and destruction. But so is a gun, which I've previously blogged as fashion accessories on the grid and no one batted an eyelid.

So why do we have different priorities? Second Life is all about dressing up in costumes and outfits, body shapes, genders, races and species that are different from the real life ones sitting at the computer. And just about everyone has opinions on which guises are tasteful and which are at the other end of the scale descending from mildly annoying to downright offensive. Dressing up like a pirate or viking is fine, humourous even, despite the fact that historically both these groups spent much of their time raping and pillaging and generally being bastardy. But dressing up like a nazi is 'in bad taste'. When does something stop being a 'sacred cow'?


Time is definitely a big factor in making distasteful subjects more acceptable - not many people cringe when the Spanish Inquisition is mentioned, but moving forward into the 20th century, into living memory, Naziism is still a highly emotive topic. Humour is a good measure of when past events become socially acceptable. It's okay to mock and laugh at the Nazis, but to do the same with the Holocaust would undoubtedly be considered in deeply bad taste. There's also a good helping of historical manipulation when it comes to uncomfortable events from the past. I doubt many people would recoil in horror at seeing an avatar dressed up as Columbus, despite his extermination policies that saw the death of millions of Native Americans, ranking as one of the worst genocides in human history.

In 2001 a british satirical show, Brass Eye, aired an hour long special regarding paedophilia and the moral panic drummed up by various media outlets at the time, leading to a witch hunt in which many innocent members of the public had their lives upended. The show inevitably recieved a slew of complaints. Despite the absurdity of the jokes (internet paedophiles can make computer keyboards emit noxious fumes in order to subdue children), many of these complaints were from politicians who later admitted that they hadn't actually seen the show. Many people were left questioning why it was wrong to take the piss out of paedophiles.

Maybe it's just human nature. People feel normal and accepted when they have something definite to fear, a shared enemy to loathe. And maybe that's a good thing.

Can you handle the truth?

Everyone has a flaw. Some trait that they detest in themselves. I have at least thirty, but my worst one is jealousy. I'm the first to admit to being a slave to the green eyed monster. Anyone speaks to my wife and a lil' radar pops out of my head and whirls around frantically beeping out the psycho tune, and I'm not the only one.

Whilst fairly popular in RL, detective agencies are to be found in SL. They offer to catch your cheating spouse, check up on employees and get the lowdown on what your friends are saying about you behind your back. I thought for my usual piss taking post that I should get one to track Tie for a few days just to see what they did. But then I thought about it.

Second Life is an online world (duh). Lies are as easily typed as truths with no facial expression to give the game away. Your favourite fashionista might spend her evenings, bent over a pool table, bound and gagged, with a ponytail butt plug protruding from her arse. The female friend who's fashion sense and shape you envy might be a 35 year old bloke from Woking. Called Derek. Oh and your boyfriend? He's a closet RL furry with three eyes. Okay, okay, I ran away with that. But you get the gist. Nothing in SL is exactly as it seems, and it's the same in relationships.

So you've partnered, exchanged RL pics, spoken on the phone and spent the entire evening attempting to outdo each other with lavish declarations of adoration whilst snuggling under the straylight tree. But you still don't know that person. Having an alt is practically a necessity these days, and there's a bucket load of people out there with more than one alt. Even if you get to the situation where you have account details, email log in, messenger passwords.. Hell, you can have their whole computer to poke around in and you'll STILL have odd moments of doubt, believe me.

So what's my point? Ummmm... Oh yeah. Like the X-files, the truth is out there. But unless you’re hardcore you're unlikely to find it, and why the fuck should you? Enjoy people for the time you spend together, rather than get worked up about what they didn't tell you. If they took the time to tell you then it was probably a well mulled over decision and you should be honoured to have been told. Rather than dwell on the time when you didn’t know.

As for partners, well it’s the same as RL relationships. You don’t know how long it’ll last, and how it’ll turn out. Generally speaking even the most intense and loving relationships have a shelf life and when that time is up you can expect an explosion of mould and rotting waste. So just chill out, enjoy the moment. And if you can’t then you can always go here.

Ever begun to...

We've all been there (and if you haven't you're a newbie or need therapy), I'm talking about SL burn out. You can't be arsed to talk to anyone, there's nothing new to do/buy/insert into peoples orifices. No drama, too much drama, no money, nothing you want to buy, no friends, too many friends who want your attention. The list of symptoms is almost endless, and the only cure is to take a break.

I've been the cocky one who said she'd never ever get bored of SL, I've guffawed quietly at those whose profiles read 'taking a break from SL'. But sadly it's all true, sometimes you just gotta log off (LOG OFF NOW!!) .

But whatever will you do with the free time you have, sure you could get some odd jobs done. Spend time with RL friends and family. Maybe start a hobby. But you got into SL to escape all that bull shit in the first place, right? Well fear not because there are other online worlds!

I know, I know, but it's true, and we're not just talking There. So here is a couple of places you can drag your pixellated bottoms to for a change of scenery.


Red Light Center.

Okay okay, RLC is possibly the biggest pile of shit since... Ummm... Something even shitter. It's an 'adult' chatroom with moving avatars and so forth. Put basically a seedy place for people to bump pelvis's with someone who a/s/l'd them three minutes ago. Oh yeah, and you have to pay before you can do pretty much anything. Oh, and the avatars look like they've been violently stretched between horses and then flung in a pool of flesh eating frogs. They UGLY! Seriously, a bull dog chewing a wasp has more asthetically pleasing qualities.

So why would you go to such a crud infested skank pit? Two words my friends....

Bouncing. Boobies.

Run VT


Red Light Center from Kitty Lalonde on Vimeo.


Point proven (and my perfectionist side would like me to apologise for the UI, but I couldn't figure how to get rid of the bloody thing).


Our next holiday destination is the frighteningly good Pirates of the Caribbean Online.


Okay so the av's still look retarded but pay heed to the good points.

Jack Sparrow, sailing boaties, killing people, Jack Sparrow, being the most bad arse pirate ever, Jack Sparrow, playing cards, saying "Arrrr" and "Avast me hearties", Jack Sparrow, getting to wear stripey trews without someone grimacing quietly... Did I mention Jack Sparrow? On a free basic account it's all a bit lame. But pay (sorry) for the upgrade and you can go gallavanting around on your galleon, with the wind in your hair. With Jack Sparrow... Yay!


Which, all in all, adds up to a stonkingly good laugh, and you'll return to the grid bright eyed and bushy tailed, with some curious ideas for a new wardrobe, and you'll know that there is more to the internet than SL and the Fashion Planet feed.

Just don't forget your log in and play nice!

Yep, another guide.

We've all been there. Stood in a shop, forming some sort of small puddle of drool and other bodily excretions. Gazing excitedly at a new pair of boots that you can't afford.

Sucks, doesn't it?

Well fear not, just spend a couple of hours on your back and you can buy the boots in seven different colours and still have money for a burgerking afterwards.

Or at least you'd think! I decided to check out one of the oldest professions in SL and get the lowdown on selling the pixelated dirty.

I decided early on I'd need a guide in my adventures, someone who knew the ropes. My Mum was unavailable so I had to settle for the love of my life, Tiernan Serpentine. She's been in SL four long years and has spent three of those face down on a mattress, so I figured she was my best bet.

Also, in order to get the inside line on the trade, a decided to shell out on the Escort Training Package by Mihai Antwerp. Inside I found a startlingly huge amount of note cards and freebies, well worth the 350L$. I donned on the recommended shape, skin, hair and clothes.



'kaaay.... With our own choice of whoring clothes back on we excitedly opened the first note card

Which men are best?
Men who pay for escorts tend to come in several categories:

* Men who are rich and espect good sex and lots of personal attention
* Men who see secondlife as just another pornsite and want and 'easy fuck'
* Men who hit on women too bluntly and scare them away
* Men who don't initiate talk with women, the very romantic and submissive ones

Which ones usually don't pay
* Men who flirt and talk easily with women
* One or two day old newbies, because they always want to try get sex for free first
* Men which are succesfull in having a shop or club, they get many offers for girlfriends/sex anyway

All good so far. I grumblingly crossed DoC Eldritch and Philip Linden from my list of potential johns and we headed off to Amsterdam.

Which was empty save for a man on a bench and a few girls adding a few more inches to their tits. One of the girls spotted the man on the bench and leapt on him like a panther. Pfft.

So we went back to the notecards.

send all men an opening line. Look which ones reply and how they reply. Send them maybe one or two more lines to attract their attention. Aks if they have money only after a few lines. It will save you a lot of time dealing with broke timewasters or people that aren't into escorting anyway. If people avoid answering the question, usually they are broke: skip them. If they reply with "yes" they are a good target. Men that reply with 'plenty': those are the best ones! Ask those between 500-2000$ for a session.

Also skip men from Holland/the Netherlands, they hardly ever pay. Men from the USA usually pay most, after that the British/english.

And the all important pricelist. We went with the tariff for new escorts.

* prices per half an hour
Lapdance - 20 L$
Striptease - 50L$
Jerking him off - 100 $L
Oral Sex - 200 L$
Fuck - 300 L$

We decided we needed to find somewhere more lively, and headed to one of the many places that offer freelance escorts a place to tout themselves.


Finally I got an IM

Random John: hi Kitty
Kitty Lalonde: Hi there!
Kitty Lalonde: How are you honey?
Random John: ok
Random John: a litle tired
Random John: and u ?
Kitty Lalonde: Very good thank you. I have to say yu don't look tired hehe
Random John: yeah
Random John: :) possible
Kitty Lalonde giggles

I figured there was no dice there.. Tie sent me an update as to her progress

Eager John: hi tiernan
Eager John: i need to be sucked real good by a horny nasty slut baby
Eager John: r u eager for that babe
Eager John: r u craving for big cocks fucking u up ur ass
Tiernan Serpentine: Hehe no but you should IM Kitty Lalonde!


Feeling utterly unattractive and having offloaded Tie into the nearest rubbish bin I continued on alone. It was getting late and I hadn't made a single linden. My retinas burning from garish textures and head hurting after all the HOOOOOOOOOS! I was ready to call it quits, until I got one final IM.

Excitable John: you're a hot little bitch!
Kitty Lalonde: Why thank you!
Excitable John: need to get raped?
Kitty Lalonde: Hehe, I'm still rezzing at the minute, ask me a bit later
Excitable John: ok

And so my illustrious career was over.

Anyone want to pay me for sex? My prices start at 5k an hour.

The bemused ramblings of a disgruntled bunny.

Like most of us I view each SL update with a certain amount of trepidation, although I was quite pleased overall with this one (although I reckons the Lag Meter is rigged to tell you that your network or pooter is the cack one while the servers do their work diligently in a shiny gleaming clever sort of way). Until my minimap went weird that is.

Ok so it's not weird, but now it shows anyone in my vicinity who is on my friends list as yellow. Now I'm sure a lot of you were quite pleased at this, no more "Which one of the 300 green blobs in ETD are you?" "I'm the one that's walking around the side" "Which side?" "The right side" Your right or my right?" and you get the picture. But NO! It's not good, it is a catastrophe of epic proportions (ok so I'm not that shallow, but it is irksome enough for blogging).

Imagine the scene, you're happily scampering around the shops when you espy a yellow dot. "OOooo" you think, and camera over to take a look. Only to be greeted by the vision of ZACHLeroy359 Oh. and then you think, well who the fuck is that? Why are they on my friends list? Oh dear god has some deranged blingtard stolen my account and has been slutting it up with her equally retarded boyfriend?




You will think like this for several minutes, rifle your inventory for all traces of the word bling, and satisfied your tiny mind that your av has not been hijacked. Which then leads to the horrific truth that at some point in your life, you added this person YOURSELF!

Terrible no?

Well maybe not, but how about if that person is someone who was bugging the hell out of you with constant IM's, sending you completely random pictures of themselves sitting on a penguin and generally making it so you have to hide your online status from them. Well that's fine, you can do a quick runner can't you? But what if they've already seen you? What if they realise you've been blanking them? Then you have two options.

The Bitch Route: "What are you talking about I swear I cancelled my card with you?

The Nice route: Damn SL is rubbish, quick IM me and I bet I pop up

One makes you look bad the other means you have to be nice to this clingy needy freak.

So yes, minimap bad. Change it back please.

Danke.

It's.....

We've all seen one, that person who you catch a glimpse of on your mysti tool and gone "ZOMG it's like HER!!!" to yourself. Well stop with the sycophancy and get your arse certifiably famous.

First of all fame needs a name, and in SL it's easy. Things to remember.

DON'T put stupid numbers in your name. Anyone remember Rebecca1976 Bergman? No.

DON'T, for the love of god, call yourself after anyone already famous. That's just silly.

DO make it memorable, being a household name is easier if people can remember it.



Place's to be seen and not to be seen.

Do hang around in pricey classy shops. Better yet, if the owner of the shop is there, strike up a conversation, tell them briefly (make sure no one is around) that you adore their stuff. Then witter on about badgers and the price of cheese for as long as possible. Anyone else arriving at the shop will be awestruck to see you on such pally terms with their designing god/goddess. Also after the event you can say to folks "Oh well yes, I was talking to earlier, she's releasing a new set of shoes which she gave to me but OBVIOUSLY I can't show you because it's a secret."

DON'T hang around the welcome area. Newbies will not care who you are.

DO go to the opening of an envelope. Wear something fabulous and say something witty. Try to appear like you're a friend of the other famous people there.


Dealing with the Press.

I generally find that the press are a funny bunch, but there is no such thing as BAD PRESS! Got caught on your hands and knees in Hard Alley? Simply release a heartfelt statement of regret, or you can declare that you're having a nervous breakdown. Old porn film surfaced on some bitching blog, laugh it off, you were young, precocious, got in with the wrong crowd/partner. It's all good baby.
Of course there are members of the press fraternity who's sole aim in life is to make you look bad. Laugh it off, smile and say you thought their post was hilarious. Keep telling yourself "They only say it because they want to be me".


No press at all? Make your own. An alt is an excellent way to start rumours about yourself. The more contraversial, the better.


What to wear and more importantly what not to wear.

DON'T wear bling. Ever.

DO wear the latest things. Scour the forums (forget the blogs, if someone has already blogged it, it's not new).

DON'T answer questions about where you got an item you were wearing in IM's. You have to show the world that people adore your style.

DO be different. Turn up to a product launch in casual clothes/nakie/clothes made by another designer. You know your a sycophant, but no one else needs to.



Other points to note.

DO change your partner frequently, a blanketing silence over the end of a relationship is a sure fire way to get tongues wagging. This will also help covering up more embarrassing rumours about your person, blame it on the ex.

Less is more only with clothes darling, you need to be seen everywhere!

With that in mind DO start a blog, or better still. Join someone elses already well established blog.

DO things for charidee, not only do you get a warm snuggly feeling but you will instantly appear generous in the eyes of your public (WARNING: Do not give to charity after a scandal. It will make you appear fickle)

DO keep your old friends, you never know what secrets they may divulge, however dropping them can be useful for creating press if neccessary.

Stick to these guidelines and within weeks you shall find yourself laughing it up with the A-list and being bitched about on the forums.

Congratulations!