Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Are We Not Catty Women?

Seems as though the gauntlet has been thrown down and it’s time for a little clarity. Recent discussion has put forth theories that attempt to help individuals on either side of the gender line define what it is that make up either their Y or X chromosomes. After much flailing and a whole lot of hype, it’s clear that this is where we must step in. Opinions – I’m sure we’ll all be knee deep in them, but remember, ladies, are they not men? It is our solemn duty to lead these poor inept creatures to the troughs of fashion, excellence, and substance.

In an attempt to further illustrate what it is that makes you blue or pink, we’ve come up with a short list…

Real Men Don’t

  • Wear Cherries
  • Say ‘hehe’
  • Fondle the breast size slider in appearance mode (that we agree on)
  • Own a lot of skins. Let’s face it, simplicity is the name of the game and any more than 3-4 skins creates a variety that just confuses them.
  • Organize their inventory. It’s all in the details, and let’s face it… the words ‘details’ and ‘men’ are completely unharmonious
  • Don’t carry big spoons… or do they? Hmmmm…
  • Know how to dress and accessorize… they require a woman for that. Unless, of course, they want to appeal only to the other loner guys at the sandbox who are so busy “blowing shit up” that they wouldn’t know a decent pair of trousers if it bit them in the ass.
  • Really know the names of at least 3 Nascar drivers… If someone you know actually does, the question of virility comes up. Is this macho rawr heavy machinery idolatry or the simple cover up of a man in the throes of understanding which team he’s really playing for?
  • Need to wax on and on and ON about what real men are and what they do. They’re too busy keeping up with their high-maintenance gfs. And are secure enough in their manliness that they don’t need to take such a combative stand.
  • Worry about a demographic “typical males” that isn’t being provided for. Seriously? How did you find the time with all of your nail-biting, fashion-blog skimming, and shopping?
  • Knock others with true style simply because they are too un-evolved to make their own look and instead use the pages of comic books to get their dastardly and unimaginative style. Don’t be hater, y0, Malibu Ken is hawt. Sorry you weren’t born with those genes.
  • Come up with great blog titles... This is where you guys shine like the true men that you claim to be :D

**posted by JellyBean Madison, who’s so busy doing the devil’s bidding that she used ghostwriter, Rosie Shark, and added a few of her own thoughts. Hey, so what if this is like the bathroom and we go in pairs… we’re girls, sue us. /us watch to see if we learned how to do the ‘cut’ on feeds.


Good Ship Loli said...

Oh well, this list makes everything so simple...except that it's really up to the men to decide what their masculinity entails, not ladies.

XoXo Kala Wildcat XoXo said...

Next Time Use Someone Else's Boyfriend to hang all over.

Joker said...

Wow thanks for the Shit storm! Next time you need ammo for your pissing match....LEAVE ME OUT OF IT!!! This is why GUYS DONT DO DRAMMA!!!!!!!

myg said...


Anonymous said...

Well ladies, I was going to comment on your most enjoyable list, but seeing that you have used another avatar's boyfriend to take an innocent picture with, I shall pronounce thee to be a gang of trollops and say good night and adieu!!!
/me giggles... you *gotta* be kidding me lol...
Great list :)

Timothy Lilliehook said...

OK, I definitely fail this test in at least two points ... and being a male neko isn't even on the list yet! ;-)