Thursday, January 10, 2008

Beware the tux!

Ladies, back me up here, please.

What's the first thing you think when you're out shopping and you see a dude in a tuxedo?

If you're like me, your very first thought is "pervert." Then, nine times out of ten, you check the dude's groups and sure enough there are about 15 VIP Escort groups listed, probably a bukkake group or even three or four, maybe a BDSM group, and back in the day you were almost guaranteed to see an age-play group listed too. Next thing you know, he turns to you and says, "hi."

What I want to know is, why the tux? Is the perv trying to mask his pervness with threads he thinks will help him pass as a classy,good guy? Does he think he's going to actually pick up real women sporting the tux? Does he not realize that at least 50% of those high-styling bitches hanging out at Phat's are really dudes in drag? Or maybe he doesn't care about that. Probably not, actually.

If you ask me, given the misuse of tuxedos by pervs trying to score, the only acceptable time for a dude to wear a tux in SL is if he's in a wedding. "Oh dear, what to wear at Phat Cats then?" If this is your dilemma, you're def reading the wrong blogger, because that place plays fucking Barry Manilow. And not ironically, either.


Buckaroo Mu said...

OK, I'll bite. I own two tuxedos - one with tails, one with a dinner jacket, both very nice designer names (I also own a "tuxedo t-shirt" that I uploaded my very own self).However, I do not wear them to shop - that just seems silly. Who would I be trying to impress? I only wear my tuxes to appropriate formal occasions - I wore one while hosting the 25-hour DJ Marathon I did for New Year's. Before that... I don't remember the last time I wore one. Oddly enough, I don't wear them at weddings - of course, I've yet to be the groom at an SL wedding, and when I'm the officiator, I don't want to outshine the groom.

So, I guess the answer is - yeah, who's wearing one shopping? Unless maybe you're shopping for a new tux, and want to compare them to your old one.

Wrath Paine said...

The impression I get when I see those tuxedo wearing guys in the middle of a mall (often times barefoot) is that they are the ones who would have no problem attaching an oversized pen0r right over their clothing and dry humping the nearest avatar they bump into.

But you know, the first thing I think when I see a dude flying around in a tux is, uh oh, land baron. All the land barons I've seen in my area breaking up nice parcels into a billion 16m squares or erecting the world's largest malls all were wearing freebie tuxes and their n00b skin from day one. Like, they didn't want to spend any money on their avatar, but wanted to try and look as classy as possible, while botching a freshly made sim. Before heading off to a jazz club.

Or could be that SL brings out some sort of James Bond fetish that I am unaware of. And if that's the case, it should be mandatory that all freebie tuxes then be provided with a shaken martini and a Walther PPK to complete the look.

October Hush said...

Hahaha, spot on, as usual!

And yeah, they'll say hi to any female within chatting distance.

myg said...

@Buckaroo - okay, you get a pass ;-P

@Wrath - The reason the first thing you think of when you see these dudes is "land baron" is because you're a guy, and these dudes seem to go for female (avatars, that is). That said, I almost mentioned the real estate thing here, as they all tend to have at least one real estate group on the list as well. Whether they are land barons or renters of swanky love nests I dunno. But it was a tad besides the main thrust, if you will, of this piece.

@Tobie - *giggles* right on, sistah!

Anonymous said...

Only thing worse coming at me than man in tux is man without shirt sporting tattoos... not mean at all to point out these idiots... Perhaps tuxes should only be wearable in SL if rented... LOL

chestnut rau said...

myg! you *so* owe me a keyboard. i was gigging and nodding my head. then i got to the barry manilow part and pwwwfftttt there went the coffee. my co-worker actually came into my office to hear the funny. omg thanks for the laugh.

myg said...

ok chestnut I don't know why but when I read your comment I pulled a spitty just struck me as awfully funny. LMAO

Anonymous said...

Wait... I don't understand... I thought that tux was supposed to make me think there was an awesome skybox, filled with free furniture and pink and blue poseballs all over the place, beautiful pieces of art filled with mystical topless beauties surrounded by sparkles, the moon, and some wolves? Right? That's where he is going to take me after he chats me up and says " Hi beutiful" and when I, noticing I am the only Avi in chatting distance say "Hello." He clearly disregards my profile (no RL ques please) because he KNOWS I want to tell HIM where I live, how could I not? He is the tiger and I am a gentle gazelle at the watering hole... (to which he thinks... "mmmm hole") and asks me "where r u from?" Oh at this point my pixel panties are melting, and I can barely keep from typing "you sexxxy stud come here and I will show you why you don't need any of those escorts ever again!!!"
If only I still went to Phat Cats. Shame.

@Traci: LOL you forgot the belt buckle that says "badass" but should say "blingtard"

Peter Stindberg said...

When I was new in SL, on day 3 maybe, some kind person dropped a huge pile of clothing on me. That was a major advancement for me, even though I did not like most of it. I settled for a casual outfit with black pants and a black/white sweater and - a tux. I shifted between those two, and I think for a n00b it looked quite good.

Of course pretty soon I learned to value "real clothing" and the freebies were eventually trashed. Though I agree that especially the male population consist of quiete a lot of jerks and pervs (no, not YOU who reads this, of course), I feel I need to protect the newbies who think that they simply look a bit more elegant in a tuxedo.

Oh, I eventually bought a great tuxedo from Blaze a long time later, as I was asked out to dance with Caterin Semyorka at a lot of posh places.

Anonymous said...

Spotted one at GOL!!! LOL