It's a nice day for a white wedding.

Or.Not.
So you've met Mr. Right (now) and decided to give up your nights of playing cum dumpster to the internet's most sleazy pay-per-half hour clients. Mr. Payment-info-on-file has fallen into your able clutches and you've got him right where you want him; wrapped around your ring finger. Felicitations on your grand match. So – where do you start?

The colors, the dress, shoes, and hair.. the venue, DJ, cake, invitations... and let's not forget the photography to commemorate this glorious joining of pixels and send by the folder-load to your unsuspecting acquaintances! (I didn't show up for a reason, people. I do not want to see the stupid pictures.) There's so much to do and so few well-organized resources.

For a busy girl like me, planning a wedding myself is just too much to ask. (Seriously, I wear like so many hats it's starting to crush my big pornstar-Texan curls.) So, I pull up the search and start looking for a wedding planner. I see a few entries and send them IMs. Now, I assume that these IMs got lost in a void somewhere because of the million I sent I got ONE response. This wouldn't have been so bad if this planner was competent at all.

People, seriously, being able to use the 'search' function does not make you a wedding planner.

I don't mean to be a Bridezilla, but there are a few things I am looking for when I seek out a planner. For one, do you really think it's too much to ask that you have a firm grasp of what you're supposed to be doing? When I ask you for a sample of your work I want to see a portfolio – a portfolio, people! Some fucking pictures of stuff you've done all put together nice-like so I can see what you offer! I don't want you to describe how you planned your sister's twelfth wedding (held in the lovely, scenic steam room of the Hot Transvestite Hotel) or how you once eloped with a furry.

As someone I am supposed to hire you need to offer me something I can't or won't do myself. Completely custom build? Great. You've got an in with a couple dress designers? Fan-fucking-tastic! Have your own sim/land? Awesome. DJ, invitations, and photography included in final price and you have the staff to do it? Baby, I could kiss you. But do not offer me a set you've used for someone else and tell me oh, you'll change the colors of course.. and then tell me it's going to cost me 45k. For 45k you better be fluffing for the honeymoon.