An Old Dog with Old Tricks

Often while scanning other SL blogs, you no doubt get curious about those who leave comments on posts and what they may have to say. I happened upon a recent addition to the blogging pool just the other day when I caught a few comments on Shenandoah Saintlouis' blog about both her product and mine that amount to 'I hate your stuff' but done with more useless words.

The culprit is a personage going by the SL name of Enid Trenchcoat.

Of course my first instinct is to click on the name and see the blogger profile. I'm not going to show it here, nor will I link to it as no doubt the person behind this name will advertise him or herself with their own snide comments later. I will say that it has WAY more info than most SL folks typically put on there, which leads me instantly to believe that this is an Alt and meant to grab attention.

My next step in the process... was to see Enid's blog which is of course listed at the bottom of the profile. Not only does the blog only have 1 entry on it so far, but it's all about 'Hey I found crappy stuff to photograph in SL so I gonna blog it.' Yanno what? Already been done. The four most notable are Crap Mariner's SL is full of Crap, TheDiva Rockin's SL Fashion Police, Wrath Paine's Wrath Paine vs Second Life, and of course... HERE!

Ah so my next bit of research led me to see this person's Profile on SL. This... is what I found:



Do you wanna see her blog? Do you wanna see her blog? No I don't, actually... and I've already seen it. Also the very recent Rez Date affirms that this is an alt who can't be bothered to use their original Avatar to do this. Also at only a month old you would hardly know enough about SL to be an authority to bitch about it.

Hey Enid? Leave the Bitching to the Professionals, k?

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!

Run for teh hills! Stock pile your prims! Hoard all your cash under your mattress and sit tight, holding your cager and wait for apocalypse because THE END IS NIGH!

What the fuck am I talking about? Well DUH! It's the all consuming end of the world that is the Linden labs™®©♥♣◙∟ putting a many little squiggles™®©♥♣◙∟ after their name! Oh NOES! As you can well imagine the residents of Second Life™®©♥♣◙∟ are terrified beyond all belief, bloggers shall be prosecuted and sent to the furthest reaches of hell to serve out their 100 year sentences picking the boils of the bottoms of wildebeasts. Flickr™®©♥♣◙∟ arty types are stuffing their pictures into suitcases and heading for the border.

This huge crushing blow adds to the already traumatised public, their belief in the Lindens™®©♥♣◙∟ shaken beyond all shakability. Few can forget the Broadly Offensive ruling not so long ago when EVERY SINGLE GOREAN™®©♥♣◙∟ WAS BANISHED TO A BIG PIT OF SNAKES, prior to that even was the dreadful monetary crash where thousands were left desolate, forced to sell themselves on the mean streets of cities. You'll all remember the concerts put on by Bob Geldof and his team of gerbils™®©♥♣◙∟ for SLaid™®©♥♣◙∟.

Will we ever survive this apocalypse? Well this Mean Girl™®©♥♣◙∟ doesn't know. But if you want me, I'll be in my bunker.

So yeah, it's another guide

Hopefully now having followed my guide to fame, you shall find yourself at the very epicentre of everyone else's tiny world. However, maintaining your state as most beloved person ever isn't all that easy is it? If only there was some way to get all your adoring fans flocking to your IM box with messages of love and support. Well lucky for you there is, and so without further ado I present Kitty's guide to making an exit.

Preparation

Now you can't just up sticks and leave, cos that's all a bit crap. For one, no one will IM you with "Oh noes please stay" if they didn't know you were leaving. So first off you need to let everyone know of your impending desertion. However, you must be aware that some people won't just 'understand' your reasons for leaving without some sort of explaination. Reasons for leaving vary wildly. Stupid reasons to cite would be boredom, frustration with glitches or a messy inventory. Better reasons are stalkers, the unhappy end to a love affair or someone being mean to you. Now you have your sob story set up it's time to get the story out. IMing your friends list is all well and good, but we need the world to know about it. It's a good idea to display some of your utter dispair with whatever has gone on with you before hand, through emo blog posts. However try to keep this to a minimum, people don't like whingers and at the crucial time to jump you may find people are more happy to push you. Once the general impression of fragility has been made it's time to make your move.

The Good Bye

It's generally a safe bet to make the announcement on your own blog, although it will be only your fans and friends who will read it. A better idea is to go on someone elses blog, and leave an inflamatory comment. Then when someone responds with unkind words you can pounce. Your final comment must be eloquent, well thought out and moving. Simply putting "You're all cunts... BYE!" will be most likely read as humourous. However swearing is something to consider, as foul language is well known to portray strong emotion when used sparingly.

DO NOT use quotes, song lyrics or poetry. You're leaving Second Life, not committing suicide.


Now is the time to put on your air of dignity. DO NOT RESPOND TO ANY COMMENTS AFTER YOU HAVE SIGNIFIED YOU'RE LEAVING. Head to your own blog and create a long, heart felt post citing all your reasons and saying good bye to those you cherish. Perhaps invite those close to you (publically on the blog, your fans will want to catch one last glimpse of you after all) to a small gathering where you can say goodbye properly. Perhaps earmark a few of your less favoured transferable items of inventory to pass on to friends so 'they have something to remember you buy'. Be certain to send all offline IMs to your email and hide your online status from everyone (also don't forget to leave all of your groups and check the box that hides online status in search) and then.. Log off.

The After Life

Now you have left it's time to sit back and bask in the glow of all your desolated fans. If you have to return in your week long 'away' time, make sure to open a new account or use an old unknown alt. Although you will be able to log on with your main account it's best to keep these to a minimum and DO NOT accept any items, it's a sure fire giveaway you still exist.

Once your week is over you may return stating you missed everyone so much and people will be so happy to see your return that they will be completely unaware of your subterfuge.

Congratulations, your mission has been a success.

Meat 'N Greet: Crocodile Jewell

*Favorite Color:

That would be blue.

*SL Rezzday:

2/19/2007

*Favorite animal and why?

hmm..cats and dogs can't choose!

*What factors did you take into consideration when creating your av?

I didn't want to look like a noob or like everyone else.

*what's the most embarrassing thing you've done for a girl/guy/furry?

Dress up in a thong, no comments..

*What's the last book you read?

Boring I know but Research method and methodology in finance and accounting by Bob Ryan and others.

*What's a movie you could watch over and over?

Lots of them, name one!

*You could never date someone who _____________ (fill in the blank)

has cheated before!

*If you could trade slives with one other avatar for a day, who would it be?

Maybe a Linden, to fix somethings in sl.

*Who would you most like to collaborate with in sl?

Lots of good people in sl but I´d say Mesusah Musytari

*Favorite thing to do in SL?

Hang with friends, to shop and play tringo!

SLunchtime Poll Results - Last Week (Born on Date)

Click to Enlarge

Club Etiquette in SL

You've all heard me mention a few times that I DJ at some clubs on Second Life. Even some of our fellow Mean Girls have been (or still are) DJ's at a few spots on SL. Along with DJ's, many clubs also offer Hosts and Dancers (exotic and non-exotic) to help broaden your overall experience.

Let's take each role one by one to further explain what they do.

Dancers

As I said, some clubs have exotic dancers while others do not. Exotic dancers are self-explanatory. They provide exquisite eye-candy for patrons and remove items of clothing (often with lusciously written text to follow) in response to how many and often they receive tips.

Okay so then what is the purpose of non-exotic dancers? More often than not they still dress very sexy to get your attention, but their clothes do come off (unless they choose to). They still serve a purpose of greeting new guests as they arrive, mingling... and in general providing a fun atmosphere for everyone.

Seems like an easy job being a dancer, right? Not necessarily. Male dancers, on average, earn less than female dancers. Also, if a dancer doesn't respond to patrons or are generally not enthusiastic he or she could miss out on tips.

Hosts

If you prefer to do a little more than shakin' your groove thang, then you may want to be a Host at a club. Dancers often assist the Host in greeting arriving patrons and making them feel welcome, though hosts have many other responsibilities as well. Hosts also...

- Keep guests informed of the current contest/party event
- Remind patrons who the DJ and Dancers are during the event
- Tell guests about certain vendors in the mall areas
- Keep track of contest boards and/or votes in IMs during the event
- Overall keep a watchful eye on the floor and any patrons who may become troublesome over the course of the event
- Hand out prize money at the end of an event (if the contest board doesn't do so already).

In reality, a Host is the 'Mother Hen' of the floor. It's not an easy job by any means... but can be very rewarding to those who master this fine art.

DJ's

Unless you plan to have a radio playing 24/7 at your club, you're gonna need DJ's. Being a DJ is a bit more than just playing a bunch of songs for 2 hours.

There's a few simple rules for DJing:

1) Respect the club's musical preferences
2) If a guest asks for a request (and it doesn't break Rule #1) you try to get it for him or her as quickly as possible.
3) If you cannot find the requested song, ask the guest if he or she has an alternative choice.
4) You have the right to say no to a request if it is either offensive or breaks Rule #1.
5) Be enthusiastic on the microphone! If you're having fun, then it'll inspire everyone else to have fun.
6) Assist the Host in giving out information about the club and event in-between songs.

Now some clubs are bit more lenient than others as far as music, requests, and using a mic, but these rules give you a general idea.

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Now I didn't just type all this out to remind club employees about things they already know. I've typed all this out so that guests can understand how much hard work truly goes into providing the perfect club atmosphere.

Respect is a two-way thing...

If your DJ gets your request on the very next song without question. If your host greets you within seconds of entering the front door. If your dancer swerves, sways, and generally makes all the right moves. If they all work together in harmony to give you a thoroughly enjoyable experience...

PLEASE show them the same respect and TIP! Don't be a Schmuck.

Meat 'N Greet: Druss Mandala

Rosie Shark:

It's a great privilege to finally meet you, I've heard so much about you and we here at the mgg2sl have been eagerly anticipating grabbing a few minutes of your valuable time.

Druss Mandala:

Oh that's alright, I wasn't doing anything special. And I enjoyed answering your fun and informative questions. The opportunity to shop for beefcake body oil was also too exciting to pass up.

Rosie Shark:

Mmmmm, yes I do love a man in body oil.

Druss Mandala:

You know, I'm free for a bit after the interview if you want to go somewhere sunny and oil up together.

Rosie Shark: **edited for sordid indecency**

*Favorite Color:

Generally orange, although pink does have its uses.

*SL Rezzday:

Sometime back in the murky past when the system skirt and the blinging shoe buckle were the stuff of science fiction. More specifically the 12th of June, 2003.

*Favorite animal and why?

I have a great fondness for marsupials, especially the pig footed bandicoot and the hairy nosed wombat. Cats are nice too because if you ruffle their fur up the wrong way and squint a bit they could be largish marsupials.

*What factors did you take into consideration when creating your av?

I can't remember taking any factors into account at the start, and I was quite pleased with my generic skin, lovely glossy system hair and attractively teal chainmail shirt. It's gradually evolved over time though and the main factor would be my arse. I can't get enough of my arse.

*what's the most embarrassing thing you've done for a girl/guy/furry?

I once fellated a furry in front of a crowd of guys, while these three girls beat me with scripted dogs. But I wasn't a bit embarrassed.

*What's the last book you read?

I'd like to say Ulysses or something equally erudite and challenging but it was actually just some crappy novel. Oh, interspersed with a bit of Beauty's Punishment late at night.

*What's a movie you could watch over and over?

Watching films over and over gets a bit boring, but I could happily watch the Big Lebowski from time to time. Or maybe Cannibal Holocaust.

*You could never date someone who _____________ (fill in the blank)

Someone who didn't play SL for an absurd amount of hours everyday because then we'd have to think of other topics of conversation.

*If you could trade slives with one other avatar for a day, who would it be?

I'd trade slives with someone who can script, then I'd make every single script I could think of and send it back to myself and save a ton of money in the long run.

*Who would you most like to collaborate with in sl?

Oh, I'd love to collaborate with mgg2sl on a collaborative project, perhaps a modern interpretative dance piece with like a prog rock sound track maybe.

*Favorite thing to do in SL?

Make deckchairs.