Behind Closed Doors

We've all seen it – the random couple pixel-type-humping in public places. Usually these are sims designed specifically for this type of behavior: Gor, Fetishist, or flophouses for the RL sexually deprived. But what are the 'rules' for regular ol' sims?

Picture this: You teleport into Last Call, a place full of classy and top-quality clothing/accessories. (No, I am not being paid to endorse them, it's just the truth.) You walk nonchalantly over and check out the ten million new releases. In your peripheral there is a couple, one changing into her newly bought outfits and the other watching. Just like any other couple (who doesn't know how to head home first or find a dressing room), right? You see her hands raise and extend, her fingers press and release and from the keyboard of this well dressed woman, these words:

“I want you to take me home, rip these clothes off and fuck me like you've never fucked me before!”

Not the simple 'does this make my ass look fat' you were expecting. Suddenly you feel like you're intruding – you've somehow been teleported to this couple's bedroom-conversation. Your pixel cheeks turn red, you cam away. This shiny well-built store is transformed into a dirtier version of “Pretty Woman” because someone decided to bring his whore out into pub
lic.

When this happens in real life I consider it a 'temporary loss of interior monologue' (to quote Robin Williams)because surely she didn't mean for everyone to hear it. So what - did she hop,skip, trip and miss her IM box? Possibly – but more likely is she just doesn't care.

Yes, we're all adults here, this isn't the teen grid. It was a mature sim but, regardless, have some class! We all have those times where we want to let down our prim tresses, kick off our stripper heels and get wild. Hell, I love talking like a gutter-tramp too... But you won't catch me doing it in general chat in a store that doesn't sell prim cock rings or Betty-Wetty Bondage Dolls. (Not that I frequent those kinds of places. >.>)

Now my trip is ruined and I am stuck with this mental image of you and your pay-per-half hour boyfriend teleporting home, attaching prim genitals, and 'take off'ing like mad fiends. Not only is my trip ruined, oh no, but now I can never wear that outfit without getting that same mental picture. Thanks, cunt.

To curb this behavior I have compiled a simple list of things you should think about while in public sims.

DON'T be a slut in general chat unless it's a sex sim.

Thank you.

Oh, and, for god's sake don't change into the outfit you JUST bought while still in the store. It's trashy. Would you cram your ass into a bathroom at Walmart, change, and then walk out in clothes straight off the rack? ....Ew, you're so redneck.

Secrets to a Mantourage - Getting Started

Now that I am SL single, this post goes up. Wuwu! It was long overdue.

A wha wha what!?!
Funny how the word "mantourage" has taken it's place in casual conversation. "Hey wanna join me at Club So-n-So, you can bring your mantourage."
If a girl has a lot of male friends, well this must be her mantourage. Simply defined by a "male-following". In the past such girls were considered sluts, or politically corrected - vaginal engineers. No longer true in the case of today's mantourage. The truth is the biggest difference between a slut & the mantourage is that sluts put out. A girl with a mantourage knows how to keep the guys interested without ever losing an article of clothing or wrapping her mouth around Mr. Winky.

How to:
Building your mantourage isn't as hard as you think. Just be sincere, and a little less self-centered. It's okay, I know it's kinda tough, we're bitches. Be nice, flirty, say cutesy things like "oh gosh, jinkies, giggles" a lot, listen to them talk (yes, even about sports), laugh at their jokes and try to be generally interested in the same things that interest him/them. You never know, you could learn something new & actually find out that there is more to slife than shopping. Be open & honest... this is very important. Never make them think you want more than you really do. To have a nicely structured mantourage you must be comfortable enough to say that there are others, he is not a one man mantourage. It doesn't work that way. That's called "dating". Which is completely different than a mantourage. Also these males have to be comfy too... and not have hostile bitches looking to plant land mines on your parcel. Part of the mantourage IS sharing with other like stable individuals. Be yourself, and you will be adored.

Keep them Happy:
Be selective on who you consider as part of your mantourage. In order to keep anyone happy, you need to be happy yourself. You don't need to invite drama, bi-polar polar bears, jealousy, drooly horndogs with walking hard-ons (oh that made me quiver) or crazy stalkers into your selected mantourage. The selection should be truly who you consider friends, good ones. In fact, it's probably best to only have a public mantourage while you are sitting pretty as a single status'd av.

Chances are you already have a mantourage or you are a guy that is part of one and you just didn't know it had a name. In any case... this has been yet another public service announcement and DIY from JellyBean Madison, fighting the good fight for a less ignorant SL.

Coming soon: Secrets to a Mantourage - A Guy's Perspective

Project Open Letter

Cristiano Midnight asked for our help in this, and I agreed. Though I think LL is perfectly aware that their world is going to crap, with the amount of new residents daily, I’m not sure they care. Cristiano has written an open letter and is asking for resident support.

Project open letter was started after I read yet another open letter in a third party forum begging Linden Lab to fix myriad problems that have been going on daily for more than a year, in some cases extending years. Since Linden Lab had worked actively to cut off two way communication methods (the removal of the official discussion forums as well as restricting commenting on their blog), I knew a post on a third party site was not going to get any attention.

As I thought more about it, I realized that just because we no longer have a centralized place we can raise and discuss issues collectively does not mean that we do not have a voice. While an individual forum post may not draw much attention, the visibility of an open letter on a large number of SL web sites and blogs, along with locations in SL would at least help to get attention to the message. Whether it can bring about change remains to be seen, but the effort so far has been worthwhile.

On Monday, April 30th, the letter will be sent to Linden Lab, and will be posted on participating sites. The letter will remain for a yet to be determined amount of time, based upon the response received. It is not an effort to embarass or anger Linden Lab, who we do have a great amount of respect for. It is simply using the tools we have available to express ourselves collectively, since other outlets have been removed.

Ultimately, it comes down to wanting Second Life to survive and to flourish, not to continue to languish under current conditions. It is something that benefits all of us, and Linden Lab especially. It is much easier to retain customers when things work as promised.

Thank you to everyone who has helped with this project, from helping to compose the letter (not an easy process by any means) to adding your signatures and including it on your sites. Your efforts have shown how important this is to you as well, and that makes it very gratifying. Special thanks to the Second Citizen forum members who actively participated in this process from conception, and to Vivianne Draper, whose original, sincere open letter provided the inspiration for this project.

Cristiano N. Diaz

Cristiano Midnight in Second Life

So check out http://www.projectopenletter.com when you have a chance please, and add your signature if you support what Cristiano & other SL residents are doing, which is to bring attention via external pressure on LL to fix the major problems of SL. Cnet already picked up on it and the SLH is carrying it in the morning, the MM is putting it in their Tuesday edition, and a bunch of other sites are including it.

DOs & DON'Ts - Take Deux

Spinning off of my Duffle-bagging post, I have for you some DOs & DON'Ts for SL. You would think most of this is common sense, but nah, it's not because if it were, why would I need to say it? Yah, that's what I thought. This list is compiled from a friends list survey. What does that mean Jell? Well, it means, it's not just my opinion, DUH! Let's start with the DOs...

DO:

• Guys wear a shirt - just because you walk around with one off, doesn't mean we're compelled to strip ours off to join you. Yes, we know you think your skin is teh awesome.
• Be random. Nobody likes a clone.
• Make friends - you can never have too many.
  
• Play Tringo (haha)
• Say "Hello" to strangers. Yah, be aloha bitches!
  
• Organize your inventory. Cleanliness is next to Lindeniness
• Be respectful.
• Try and figure things out for yourself. There are a ton of facts and FAQ's on the website.
  
• Clean up after yourself. (seriously build a prim and leave it at my house, I'll punch your mom in the head & bleed you).
• Be helpful when possible.
• Take into consideration that the people you encounter are REAL people playing just like yourself and can be affected by you and what you say/do.
  
• Expect to have to buy Lindens (at some point) otherwise you're going to look like a tard.
  
• Dress in Transformer AV's and have sex in public on a dance club - how often do you get to see Optimus prime fuck Megatron?
• Try and make something. SL is special because it's content is user created, and everyone's first try was bad. You can and will get better.
• Nooblets: Spend the first 3 months traveling around.
• Buy shoes before drama.
• Ask advice.
• Turn off your talking tummies - I don't give a shit that you're expecting a prim with eyes, much less do I wanna hear how a script says you're feeling.
• Detach Xcite parts or you may become a victim of my Highlighted Transparent Bits post.
• wear pants...pants are good. Certain attachments worn over pants are not.
• Click peoples Xcite shit in a club for no reason. If they didn't want you to poke their jibblies, they'd take 'em off.
• Take screenshots of peoples weird discolored prim balls.

DON'T:

• Overly use obnoxious gestures. Seriously as a noob, grabbing all the free gestures you can should not be priority over skin & hair. DUH doofus.
• Wear bling.
• Ask RL stuffies within minutes of meeting someone.
• Be insanely quiet. We *will* talk about you & make shit up.
• Talk to Black Summers.
• Open an IM to an escort. (sorry Dancer)
• Buy land from anyone claiming they're doing you a "favor".
• Build a lagtastic casino anywhere near Krius or he'll shoot you in the face.
  
• Open an IM to a male escort.
• Offer friendship without saying "hello" or anything first, ever!
• Shoot random people in a non-combat zone.
• Have noobtatstic sex right in public on a dance club.
  
• Just walk into someone's house, just because it's land and you can get in doesn't mean you're supposed to.
• Be afraid to try new things. You might like being a Gorean Furry Ageplayin' Bukkake Thug...probably not though. Especially if there's bling.
• BE A CRAZY STALKER!
• Hold SL above RL.
• Expect sex.
• Be afraid to be yourself.
• Beg for money - You can always play tringo :p
• Lie about yourself, because you may end up regretting it.
  
• Nooblets: stop at the first nice place you find.
• Let your inventory get out of control.
• Be an asshole - SL is full of them, no need for too many over-achievers.
• Be a dramite - but it's okay to laugh at other people's drama. Rofl. Fooking Spoon Carriers!
• Be a braggart - No one cares if you won the SLdrama award.
• Particle spam!
• Type out the lyrics to a song that's playing. It makes you a candidate for face stabbin.

This is just a short list. I'm sure there's more to proper casual SL etiquette, but well, it's possible that I didn't catch it in this post. Feel free to add your two Ls in comments if you think I missed something.

Jell

No! No! No! *wacks you with newspaper*

It's come to my urgent attention that duffle-bagging in SL is becoming an epidemic! Eep! No! Do not! What seriously possesses you men to expand that crotch slider to Freakish Idaho Potato size?! It could possibly be that ya'll just don't look at your AVs like we do. Hey, it's possible.

Keep in mind men, that unlike us women, without the pen0r attachment, we know you look like a Ken doll under there. By making it bigger than well, ya know, we're seriously not impressed but more along the lines of grossed out.

If you are not sure what it should be set on, look around & ask guys that look "normal". Don't be shy, I mean this is your crotch & you really don't want to be the bulge of all the jokes, do you?

Random Comments on the Subject:

Gillian Waldman: FFS, what is that exactly? O.o

Nimil Blackflag: LOL someone's dufflebagging

Trinitee Trilam: zOMG I couldn't agree more on how much against this slider I am. me thinks they might be compensating for something lacking in RL? perhaps? haha

Brace Coral: holy crap... I'm scarred for LIFE!! *sobs!*

Krius Misfit: LOL, isn't that too high for a CAWK? Maybe it's just a goiter, or he has a raging case of genital warts. STD's are no laughing matter ladies!


Please don't make Brace cry, keep the bulge to a minimum, and as Krius said "STD's are no laughing matter." So try keeping it in your pants.

This has been another public service announcement from JellyBean Madison.